Searching, fully

Lately, I've been thinking about my relationship with Jesus.
I'm really confused about some stuff. Like how hard it is to be "intimate" with God. I find it so hard to grasp the concept. How we can be intimate with our God, who is not in the flesh, but in spirit.
I see others, who seem to understand, and be satisfied with this intimancy, I just don't get.
I say to myself, I should be in a great relationship with God, close and intimate. I long for it, but why? Beacuse I really long for it, or because I see people who have it, and it just seems like the right thing to do.
But in my heart I know something is missing. I need that realationship, it's sopose to be the foundation of what I belive in.
I want to be authentic. And do what is right.

At a church service I was at a few weeks back, our pastor was asking people if they wanted to be prayed for to be filled with the Holy spirit, and I was scared to go up by myself, so I had asked my friend to go up with me, and they had said no. I was at first shocked, but then they said something, that really stuck with me untill this very day.
If you really want it, your going to do anything to get it.

Jesus, this is really what I want.
Give me answers and guidance.
I want you.